A day in the life of José Mourinho
05:30 – calls Pedro León’s house using a blocked number to wake him up.
07:00 – frugal breakfast and morning exercises to improve technique on how to keep one’s foot on the head of another as if you wanted to step on him.
08:30 – visits the president of his neighborhood association to demand that he throw out the guard and replace him with a Portuguese one recommended by Jorge Mendes.
09:15 – goes to Valdebebas. Runs over two children but an old woman escapes. Swears that he won’t fail tomorrow.
10:00 – uses a Ouija board to meet with the spirits of Hitler, Bin Laden and
the bull that killed
Manolete to share experiences and get new ideas.
12:00 – the training session begins, with the attendance of his son. During the 15 minutes open to the press, he demands that his players smile.
12:15 – the closed training session includes real fire, like in the Marines. The last minutes are dedicated to learning how to start fights.
13:30 – the players meet in the locker room to repeat a thousand times, “Mou is the best, Mou is the only one who loves us.”
14:00 – the police receive an anonymous call telling them that Pedro León is in reality a dangerous drug trafficker.
14:15 – has a frugal lunch (since evil never rests).
14:30 – video session. Today’s topics: “learn how to torture with the prison guards of Abu Ghraib” and “that’s how we treat journalists in Guantánamo.”
17:00 – on the way home, the Guardia Civil stops him and fines him. Shouts that he will only speak with their director, not with the agents.
18:00 – after slapping his son for paying attention to his friend Jorge and not his father, decides to go to Hipercor to buy some things.
18:15 – falls to his knees in an aisle in Hipercor and starts shouting and crying about how there are no mixed berry-flavored
Red Bulls left.
18:55 – leaves Hipercor. Pays with the El Corte Inglés credit card that he stole from Pedro León.
20:00 – gets into a huge fight with his wife after finding out that his son had eaten dinner without his permission.
21:00 – calls Florentino to give him the orders for tomorrow and demand that the Bernabéu change its name to “Mourinho the Great.”
22:30 – goes to bed and reads the book, “The butcher of Milwaukee, a misunderstood hero.”
02:30 – calls Pedro León’s wife using a blocked number, pretending to be one of her husband’s lovers.
calling Pedro Leon with a blocked number
