Yeah, forget a bag of crisps. That selfish bastard will roll out a barbecue to the middle of the field, complete with lawn chairs and umbrella, and start cooking himself some BBQ meat!
...and thereby seal his own fate by cooking himself a muscle injury along with the meat.
The Bible is right, sloth is from the devil. This is unacceptable, we must take action and sell that liability of a player as long as the price is still high.
On a second thought, this might help against Bayern. If he has a barbecue on the pitch and puts some of Hoeness' Weisswurst sausages on it, Bayern might have mercy and refrain from thrashing that shambolic, hopeless team of ours. And they will share their beer, too.