Interview
Bartomeu, Rosell: So do have any experiencing in fucking up clubs?
Zubi: Not really. My last job i was commentating on shitty games on radio/TV. but if i get the chance, i promise to try my best to fuck up sheet.
Rosell, Barto: OK, we have a position available because we have a huge project, to destroy the best barcelona ever, to get rid of pep and fuck up messi. tell us how you would approach this project.
Zubi: First i will sell the next promising star(thiago). xavi/iniesta cant play all the games and soon enough the best midfield of all time will be dead.
Zubi: I dont think promising stars will need to be groomed again, I had my eyes on a coach that nearly relegated celta from segunda, he'll be perfect for barca b (eusebio)
Zubi: I'll be a double agent. i'll bring back information on pep to you guys so we can proactively fuck up any ideas he has. and i'll make sure he keeps a low profile, take blows from Mou and RM.
Zubi: When I finally get rid of that pep bastard, we'll allow Tito to hold the reigns for a little while because we know he don't really have the experience, then we'll hire some no named coach most likely an outsider probably an Argentinian to fuck up the Cryuff system, then for sure well lose our identity on the pitch.
Zubi: I also have some players in mind that could bring immediate results on the pitch and help train our medical staff in douglas and vermaelen. you wont be disappointed.
Zubi: I only see one problem. We have messi, best player of all time.
Barto, Rosell: dont worry we're currently working with madrid to fix just that. we have setup smear campaigns, tax accusations, he wont catch a break, we'll break him off the field. but since your sporting director you have to fix him on the field, we only want players that will make his job harder. ensure that you keep him furthest from the goal as possible at all times.
Zubi: I understand.
Barto, Rosell: please ensure you can put us at a serious disadvantage, we want no signings for two years.
Barto, Rosell: The job is yours, you are secure. now you can go play mario kart wii, eat hot dogs everyday and travel with the team. scouting is a thing of the past, ensure your team knows this as well. travel with the team and enjoy free games and nou camp atmosphere.
Zubi: